A Mom Who Puts Her Children First is Not Anti-Feminist

I like to think of myself as a courageous woman. However, I know with many things I am actually quite a coward. I read and hear women articulating thoughts and ideas about what it means to raise a family; things that may be construed by others as politically incorrect.  I agree with a lot of what I hear and I sit back feeling a mixture of guilt (for having others speak my truth) and relief, that I am not the one being lambasted for my thoughts. 

So, I guess it is time to be courageous.

Lets get the obvious out of the way:

1. Yes, a woman can be a mother and have a powerful job.

2. Yes, a man can stay home with his children and be an effective caregiver.

3. No, we do not ask the same of men when they seek powerful positions, as we do with women and we should.

4. Yes, I know most women need to work.

 What I am going to talk about is not about ALL women, ALL mothers, ALL children or ALL jobs. I am talking about Sarah Palin, her family and the job she is looking at. 

There has been a lot in the news about Palin's 17 year old daughter and her pregnancy. What I hear less about is the 4 month old baby. Why is that? 

Why is it, that we live in a country where it is politically incorrect to say that the baby should come first? 

Why does talking about children first become reason to call people anti-feminist? 

Think about it. Is there really something controversial about saying that children are important and need to be cared for by parents? 

So I will go out on a limb and say something heretical.

Mothers are important. 

They can't be replaced, take it from someone who lost a mother prematurely. We cannot be replaced by dads, grandmas, nanny's, au-pairs, or a babysitter. 

We are different than men. Oh my goodness, did I say that? Yes, we are different. Is this also some anti-feminist statement? No, just a fact. We provide something to children that dads do not, and dad's are very important and they provide different gifts to children as well. Anyone who knows me, know how much I value dads and their impact on their children is profound. When they are absent children are changed forever. That we ignore this when men take on powerful jobs, is an embarassment.

Sarah Palin is running for the V.P of this country. We do not look at the candidate and ask if she can be V.P, we look at her and ask if she can be president. Given the age of McCain, this is a reasonable question to consider here. Her husband is not a stay at home dad. If he was, I would not be writing this. If he was a stay at home dad, who was leaving his full time job to care for his children, then so be it. I have not read that article yet. 

Do we really live in a country, where we say that Palin has a strong work ethic because she went back to work 3 days after delivering her baby? 

Have we become so fearful of being politically incorrect and offending someone that we cant see that there is something wrong here? 

This is a mom who could take the time because she had leave. The state of Alaska would have run just fine for the time she needed to be with her child after the baby was born. 

We get a finite time with our children. Most people in the country don't have choices about being home with their children or going to work. What bothers women, at least the women who are willing to speak, is she does have the choice. She is not going to run for V.P, because she did not have a job and needs to put food on the table. And yes, when you decide to run for the second highest office in the country, you put yourself out there for scrutiny. It comes with the territory. 

I work. My mother worked. I would come home each day and wish she was there. Each day she was not there for me after school, I felt alone and uncomfortable. I understood why she needed to work. I am just sharing what it was like for me. 

We have arranged for our children to be picked up at the end of the day by their dad, step-dad or by me. This is no easy feat for us, but we all work and some how we manage. We have all chosen professions that are conducive for our children to be at the center. Is that heretical also? Is it anti-feminist? Notice, I said "we." I am not the only one figuring it out. 

So, lets not be so surprised we are looking closely at Palin's choices. She is putting herself out there to be looked at, and I will not be afraid to say that moms are invaluable and we need to put our children first. There is nothing anti-feminist about that. And if there is, if I am going to be judged as living in the dark ages because I want to find a way to put my children first, then give me a boar and a club and send me into the cave...just make sure my kids are there too.